I asked a few folks to share the kindest thing anyone has ever said to them. Here’s what they shared with me…
Kindness from a friend…
Nancy says: My friend Mary Lee said to me: “you know when you die people will really miss you. You are such a big presence, you’re so fun and people are happy when you’re around. So when you’re gone they’ll really miss you not being there.” That was 20 years ago. I remember saying then: ‘that is the nicest compliment anyone has ever given me.’ And it still is.
Yvette says: “Thank you for being my friend.” It was said by my girlfriend, Kari. Kari and I met during the first week of university and had ups and downs in our frienship and lives over the years. She passed away last March. We spoke a lot by video calls and had a last week together in the months before she died. This was among the final words she said to me and the kindest final gift after 40 years of friendship.
Bethany says: There are two things that stick out. During elementary school, one of my teachers wrote: “Bethany is a friend to all.” And then in my later years a girlfriend once said to me that she could tell me anything as she felt I would never judge.
Cat says: I went to a church and I hugged a parishioner and when she hugged me (at the beginning of my health issue and I had no idea what was going on) I just wept. She didn’t pull away. She just kept whispering in my ear: “You’re safe. You’re safe. You’re safe.” And I just kept weeping and she just kept repeating those words. No one had ever explicitly said that to me before. ‘You’re safe‘ was so reassuring.
Jessica says: With my friend Kevin, I was 23 and had just moved to Toronto and he said in ernest “you’re so beautiful.” He didn’t say it in a romantic way. Just in ernest and I don’t think anyone had ever said that to me before. Like my peer. I received it in everything it was.
Rob says:
“Are you at the bottom?
Yes, I think so.
So you can’t go any deeper than here?
No this is rock bottom.
Good. Then plant your feet on the rocks because you can finally start pushing up.
Thank you.”
Why was this the kindest thing? Because it honoured my assessment, it allowed me to be the one to honour it because it did not judge me, and because it recognized my ability to get up again.
Kindness from family…
Ashley says: As I’m thinking about this sincerely, the one that keeps coming back is my daughter saying “I love you“.
Tara says: “You are the best mom ever.” From my boys. Knowing I did right by them even though I had to make tough choices along the way.
Brie says: My nephew gave me a giant disco ball for Christmas which I took as a huge compliment!
Professional kindness…
Sabrina says: There was a moment in high school. I had a very firm calculus teacher, Ms. Costanza, and I was not doing well. My grandma and my uncle had passed away in the same week and I had failed the first two calculus tests. And I really just hunkered down and on the third test I got a 78%. And she came to me at my locker and put her hand on me and said “Sabrina, I know how hard you’re working and I’m just so impressed with you and proud of you.” And I was like “yeah, but it’s not 80%, it’s not 100%” and she said “a 78% is perfect.” I’ve thought about that moment. Her showing me the paper at my locker and I felt that was so kind. Because a 78% is perfect.
Laura says: I was the piano accompanist for a university violin major last year – first time collaborating. After our first rehearsal, the student expressed much gratitude and told me how ‘safe’ he felt playing with me. That resonated.
Michel says: “You are so patient and explain things so well.” The rest are mostly about my manly looks…
Marc says: “Remember how much light you brought to us.” From a former colleague as I was changing jobs.
Melanie says: A colleague I hadn’t seen in years told me I was the first person she met at work she wanted to work for. And she still does.
Kindness from loves that made us wobble (in the best way)…
Ina says: “We had been chatting at the bar and as I turned away and within earshot he said to my friend “where have you been hiding Ina all this time? She’s such a gem of a human being.” No one had ever said that about me before.
Catherine says: When I’d be doing my female thing of sharing what was on my heart, my ex Randall would say: “do you want listening Randall or problem-solving Randall?” I looooved that and I use it now.
Helen says: The way he wraps my cutlery in a napkin when packing my lunch for work. Knowing how hard I was working – its was just so generous that he anticipated that I would need a napkin and he made it easier for me. [Editor’s note: She spoke a lot about the napkin. I think the napkin is the equivalent of a cutlery hug ;)]
Ok. My turn. Here’s the memory that randomly bubbled up, out of nowhere from many, many years ago that precipitated this post: I recall feeling hurt in a disagreement with an ex. We were sitting in the car in a grocery store parking lot on a very cold night. I felt flooded and I shut down. Couldn’t think. Couldn’t speak. He turned to me and said: “I love you. Talk to me.” It was the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me. The order of his words matter everything. Had the order been reversed, it likely wouldn’t have had the same effect. The ‘I love you‘ disarmed my defences first. It let me know that no matter how I was acting and no matter what was happening, I was loved. I was safe. I could relax. And the ‘talk to me‘ indicated he truly wanted to hear me. It was (and still is) such a beautiful collection of words.
Astounding how words arranged in just the right way can rearrange us.
One last parting passage: A friend who shared her memory (already captured above) texted me days later to say: I have been thinking of safety with certain people. The prophet Muhammed said that a Muslim is someone whose tongue and actions are safe for others. Expanding this, may we be a safe presence for all.
Couldn’t have said it any better. May safety expand from here.
I love you all you bunnies in your bunny suits.
